Monthly Archives: January 2006

Logic Takes a Holiday

I’d like to request a few days off from work, but my company’s vacation request process has more wasted effort than a Peter Jackson film. Iâ€™m sure our method of asking for days off began as a simple, straightforward process but over the years the layers of added beauracracy have mutated it like nuclear...
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I’m Sorta Kinda Maybe Losing Weight

I thought ‘d give you all an update on how the weight loss is going because I know my fat is your entertainment. I have, in the course of about a month, lost approximately nine pounds. That’s not too bad when you consider the fact that I really haven’t made too many changes and...
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How Not To Write A Memo

This is an actual official memo from our Human Resources Department regarding one of our buildings. Please do not go thru the back inventory area unless you have business there. Okay, that’s actually not bad. “Thru” is a little informal for a company-wide memo, but I’m not going to take off points for that....
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It’s JustCoffeeArt But It’s Still Pretty Amazing

Sure, you like coffee. You buy gourmet beans from the specialty coffee store. You brew your own special blend to the rave reviews of friends and neighbors. You use a coffee-scented perfume or cologne. You snack on coffee beans and take vacations to Columbia just to inspect the trees. But you don’t really love...
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Weight Loss Waits No More!

Not only am I in a soul-draining dead-end job, but I’m also fat and fairly unattractive. I’d draw you a picture, but I have no artistic talent, either. This year I decided to do something about it. I made the same New Year’s Resolution I make and keep every year: I resolve to keep...
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How To Name A Baby

One of the hundred million things new parents have to do is pick out a name for the baby, preferably before the child reaches his or her 18th birthday, if for no other reason than it is very difficult to register to vote when you are only known as “Baby Smith.” Picking a name...
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I’m Going To Be A Father…

…I think. It isn’t entirely unexpected. You see, my wife and I have been trying off and on to have a child. “Off and on” is the key phrase with how we’ve been going about the whole process. I’ll let you fill in the details. A few weeks ago we were in the “off”...
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Coffee Drinkers vs. Tea Drinkers

My office is filled with weaklings. These are people who are afraid of running a short hundred mile marathon. These are people who can’t last a measly fifteen rounds in the ring with a grizzly bear. These are people who can’t catch a bullet in their teeth, karate-chop their way through a brick wall...
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I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream At Clowns

Sure.. You hate clowns. We all do. But do you really hate clowns, or are you just some wanna-be clown hater? Now it’s time to find out… If you really hate clowns, then you’ll love this site. It’s an entire website devoted to clown hating. The link? What else? Ihateclowns.com. This isn’t just some...
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