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This is an actual official memo from our Human Resources Department regarding one of our buildings.
Please do not go thru the back inventory area unless you have business there.
Okay, that’s actually not bad. “Thru” is a little informal for a company-wide memo, but I’m not going to take off points for that. So far the memo is short, simple, and to the point. Unfortunately, that’s the first and last line that can be described that way.
Do not use the back door for in and out unless you are loading or re-loading business equipment.
Umm…”use the back door for in and out”? If anyone is doing “in and out” with the back door, I think that person should probably be shot. And then someone needs to clean…no, burn… no, replace the whole damn door. This proves that verbs matter.
I know it is a shorter distance for some of you who wants to take a SMOKING break in the back area but walking is good for you.
Oh, I understand. This person is fluent in Engrish. People in Human Resources are rarely bothered by anything, so the capital letters are little disturbing. I’d be afraid if I were “some of the guy who wants to take a SMOKING break” at this point.
SMOKING IS REALLY REALLY BAD! IT HAS PROVED TO LINK TO LUNG CANCER. IF YOU WANT SOME ENCOURAGEMENT TO QUIT SMOKING, PLEASE GO VISIT LUNG CANCER PATIENT AND PICTURE YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION. SOME OF US WHO HAS OBSERVED THIS FIRST HAND CAN TELL YOU SOME HORRIBLE STORY!
Woah, woah, woah!! Outta left field! Someone in HR definitely has some personal issues he or she has to work out, preferably with a therapist in a nice little office and not with an automatic weapon down at the local McDonalds. I’m glad this person is warning us about the dangers of smoking, because up to this point I was completely unaware of them.
It’s also news to me that lung cancer patients entertain random visitors stopping by and to ask them about their suffering. What a nice service.
Please use front door to come into the building. Although we have communicated this previously, I was told that some people still use inventory area as a short cut.
Okay, looks like we’re back to reality. And we have snitches!
I hate to remove the access from your card keys because I like to have it for emergency need.
So, the back door is accessed by a card key. And it should be for emergency needs only. But if access is removed then you won’t be able to go out the back door…even in the case of a fire. Possibly one caused by SMOKING?
Let’s practice this under an honored system for now.
But which “honored system”? There are so many to choose from…
I will ask our colleagues working in the inventory area to remind you when this happens. If situation is not improved, your manager will be notified. Please remember the front entrance area is a non-smoking area at all times.
Thanks.
You’re welcome.
So, what did we learn?
Back door: Bad.
Front door: Good.
Using the back door for smoking: Bad.
Smoking: REALLY REALLY BAD! GOOD LORD IT’S AWFUL! BAD! BAD! BAD!
Lung Cancer Patients: Both. Good to visit if you want to make yourself feel better about…well…anything. Bad if you’re looking for role-models.
Using the front door for smoking: Bad.
And to think that we complain about being uninformed.
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One Response to “How Not To Write A Memo”
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Mariela says:
And to think most HR depts will only hire college grads. And to think most college grads are having to make ends meet in call centers while their less intelligent counterparts are comfortably sitting in HR writing memos that a third grader could do better writing.
January 26th, 2006 at 12:42 pm