Poopy Cat

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There is poo all over my house right now. Lots and lots of poo.

Today my wife and I woke up to a smell which can only be described as “exploded baby ass.” This was unexpected for two reasons:

1. Really, you never expect to wake up to an exploded baby ass odor.

2. We don’t have a baby yet. My wife is still (thankfully!) five months pregnant.

Rising from our bed we found a few small brown spots on the floor which we immediately blamed on the dog.

“Bad dog! Bad, bad, bad dog!” we exclaimed as the dog looked at us with complete innocence. Dogs are good at that. We could find the dog holding a smoking handgun and a bloody knife over a dead body and it could still look at us with an expression that simply says, “Yes? What are you looking at? I certainly didn’t do this!”

We quickly learned it was not the dog at all.

As we cleaned up the first few spots on the floor we found other spots down the hallway and soon we were following our own little trail around the house like Billy’s famous Family Circus dotted-line maps trails around the neighborhood.

Of course, instead of oversized black bars marking Billy’s trail we found putrid stinktastic globs of cat poo. And instead of a sickeningly sweet crappy pun at the end of our trail we found a sickened cat who was clearly just as surprised to see stuff dripping out his butt as we were.

So I grabbed the cat, tossed him in our spare bathroom for the time being, and spent the next hour cleaning up poo spots and throwing things in the washing machine.

I spent the rest of the day taking the cat to a vet’s office that happens to be open on a Sunday only to learn that there’s really not much they can do. For the moment our kitty is in solidary confinement with a dish of water and a litter box and we’re watching him closely. The worst part is that we’re still finding little spots as of this moment, six hours later.

Now that my wife is pregnant (no, she was nowhere near the cat poo) we’ve come to realize that this is just a very tiny glimpse into what it will initially be like to have a baby in the house: lots of poo and lots of worry.

Yay.

This entry was posted on May 21, 2006 at 9:20 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.