Introducing Baby Coffee

My son’s arrival into the world last week began with two words that are more associated with contraception than birth.

“Oh shit.”

It was my wife, exclaiming this at about 3:45 in the morning. Me, still mostly asleep, took the phrase rather literally and uttered, “Bad dog!” thinking our faithful Papillon just couldn’t wait and had left a juicy present for my wife in the middle of the night.

“Tom, I think my water just broke.”

I think the alarm clock manufacturers should take note that certain phrases such as “I think my water just broke” ranks right up there as one of the better ways to wake up a man in the middle of a deep sleep. I imagine you could also have a clock that whispers “They’re giving away free beer” or “Honey, remember how much you liked your car?” that would have the same jarring waking effect.

Within about ten minutes I was dressed and standing at the door with our hospital bag, jingling my keys. My wife took a slightly different approach and actually took the time to wash up, pack a few more things in her bag, get dressed and even sat down for 20 minutes to put on makeup.

“C’mon, Dear, you don’t need to pretty up too much. The doctors are going to be much more interested in the other end,” I said while she was touching up her lipstick.

Give that sleeping baby some Coffee!

Eventually we got out the door and to the hospital where we spent the next seventeen hours in various stages of labor. When I say “we” I mean my wife was dealing with the pain of contractions every three minutes while I was reading lots of crappy celebrity gossip magazines left on the communal book rack. I’m not sure who suffered more.

At around 10:30pm baby decided it was time to get busy and my wife was more than happy to oblige and out came Baby Coffee, our son.

The most surprising part of the entire night was probably hearing the words “It’s a boy” because my wife and all of her friends had pretty much convinced herself and me that it was going to be a girl. But as any guy will tell you: Penises never lie. It’s a boy.

And he’s the most beautiful baby boy I’ve ever seen.