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My boss Dick Lumbergh is five years older than me, makes twice my salary and should probably not be allowed to use an electric toaster, much less be in charge of a technology department for a mid-sized company.
Yes, it looks like a dunce cap for a reason.
You see, Dick likes to change his Instant Messenger icon. Not once a month. Not once a week. No, Dick changes his IM icon every…single…day.
At first I think I’m going crazy. Every time I chat with him it seems as though I’m asked if I want to download his new icon. But that doesn’t make any sense. My boss is in charge of millions of dollars in computer equipment, a staff of programmers and support people and attaches more electronic gizmos to his belt than Batman.
This morning curiosity gets the better of me. The moment he turns on his PC I send him a quick IM…
“Dick, did you get that email I sent you yesterday confirming that you received that phone message I forwarded to you?”
“Yes, I think so,” he types.
“Thanks!”
And the trap is set. Instead of closing my IM window, I leave it open and sit back to watch the show. Sure enough, a moment later I’m asked if I want to download his icon and I, of course, answer “yes.”
It’s a white guitar this morning. I sip some coffee and twirl around in my chair. One spin later my PC is again asking me if I want to download his icon again.
I click “yes” again and wait. If he has the free time to change his icon repeatedly, then I can certainly find the time to download it.
Now it’s a red electric guitar.
I go to work on paperclip animal to add to the little aluminum zoo on my desk, but I barely have time to make a shiny metal snake before I’m asked about the next icon.
He picks a baseball with a New York Mets logo. I toss an eraser over my cube wall and hear an “Ow…”
I have another sip of coffee and we’re back to musical instruments.
This time it’s a blue sparkly electric guitar. I am obviously watching a genius at work. I fiddle with the color on my monitor.
He chooses a Dilbert head. I start bending the paperclip snake into something with legs.
We’re on the same wavelength. He chooses an icon of a frog. I clean out my mouse.
Finally he seems to settle on a white guitar icon which I’m sure I’ve seen before. I check the clock and notice that I’ve been watching him bounce through icons for nearly ten minutes. I pull up the calculator and figure he just got paid a little over $4.00 to to do that and I just got paid a little under $2.00 to watch it.
The conclusion of my experiment: my boss not only has the time to fiddle with his Instant Messenger icon for ten minutes every day, but he also is so technically inept that he has to apply each icon and look at his own little window before deciding if he likes it or not.
Secondary conclusion: my boss is really into musical instruments, especially electric guitars, and hopeless baseball teams.
That’s good, I suppose. Someone who works as hard as he does needs a hobby.
And it’s probably safer than playing with the toaster.
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8 Responses to “IM Getting So Tired of My Boss”
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Randy! says:
Yeah, well my boss is a PhD and he likes to interrupt me while I’m explaining technical issues to other employees. Trouble is, he’s freaking wrong about the tech stuff 1/2 the time. On the other hand, he keeps me employed by running interference vs management, so I have to just let him speak and then correct him patiently. It takes 3 or 4 explanations before he finally understands what I’m talking about and then he gets it and we can move on.
But damn, I never went to college so I have a hard time relating to PhD’s but I’m not impressed.
December 11th, 2006 at 2:04 am -
Tom Coffee says:
Heh…
My company works with colleges and universities a lot. I’ve generally learned that the higher the education level the lower the common sense and basic coping skills…
-Tom Coffee
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thordora says:
Ahem. Working with some of the people I work with makes me glad I never finished my degree.
send him to stickergiant.com. He’ll NEVER get anything done.
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Sam says:
Revolt revolt!
Good read, but i think i’m entitled to $1 for reading that anecdote, only following the pattern… what’s more time wasting than reading a story about 2 guys wasting time?
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Tom Coffee says:
Ha! Fair enough, but now that I’ve read your comment about wasting time while reading about 2 guys wasting time means that you owe me that $1.00 back plus the 20 cents I’m entitled to for the time it took me to write this reply.
-Tom Coffee
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Anonymous Cog says:
Hi Tom,
Just stopping by to wish you a Merry Christmas.
AC
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thordora says:
Happy ho ho!
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Mike says:
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day! I always used to laugh at my friends and co-workers who would have a different AIM icon every hour. The term “multiple personality disorder” isn’t something I throw around lightly, especially at the office.
I used to mentally count my boss’ earnings while listening to the “pings” on his computer from the other room while he played Arkanoid. I think he earned over $120 one day playing video games.