Space Coffee For Sale on Ebay - Get Your Superpowers Now!

Hurry over to ebay to bid on the only bag of coffee that’s ever been sent into space!

Today’s world is filled with a lot of bad things like wars, famine, pestilence, Paris Hilton and Silver Surfers. That’s why I’m especially shocked that more people are not mobbing ebay for a chance to bid on the only bag of coffee that has been fired into space, exposed to cosmic rays, and then brought back down to earth in a marketing move meant to raise money for the JP Aerospace organization. I’ve written about this Space Coffee before and I told you about how JP Aerospace is poised to become bigger than NASA just as soon as NASA loses all the money, people, technology and bloated budget.

From the press release:

The balloon was flown by JP Aerospace, an independent space program. In addition to the coffee, over 300 student

experiments were carried aloft. Lifting off shortly after dawn, the balloon climbed 800 feet per minute. As it headed

upward, the temperature dropped to 82 degrees below zero, and the sky slowly turned black. When it reached high

enough where the Earth’s horizon is curved, the balloon burst. The coffee and experiments fell together at over Mach

one back toward the desert floor. The parachute opened, and the package touched down ten miles from its starting point.

“This coffee has gone where I want to go,” says John Powell, President of JP Aerospace.

Essentially JP Aerospace sent up a special “Bean Me Up” coffee blend that was roasted by Vista Clara Coffee, a small coffee roaster run by Dave Stewart. JP Aerospace sent the coffee up into space on a giant balloon with a bunch of ping pong balls, waited for the balloon to pop and then everything fall back to the ground. They do this sort of thing on a regular basis, though I can’t say for sure if hallucinogenic drugs were involved in the project plan.

Jessica Alba has powers from cosmic rays which are the same as the rays from this coffee that was fired into space and… umm.. oh, just stare at the picture and drool.

Back to the cosmic rays. By sending things up into space JP Aerospace has been exposing them to “cosmic rays” which as you students of history will realize, are the same rays that turned the Fantasic Four from a group of nerdy good looking scientists into a group of good looking scientists with mostly lame superpowers. Except the Human Torch. That would be a cool power. And the Thing. That would be kind of cool. Jessica Alba and the stretchy guy? Lame! Well, okay, I could watch Jessica Alba sit around and pick her nose all day. So, really, the stretchy guy is just lame. I digress…

Their superpowers are better than YOUR non-existent superpowers. And since YOU aren’t going to be making into space anytime soon you should really consider instead buying some space coffee and then drinking it to see what kind of superpowers you might get.

If you visit Vista Clara Coffee’s website you’ll notice that firing beans off into space didn’t even make their “News” section which makes me wonder if JP Aerospace just stole the beans from the grocery store and then felt bad about it. In fact, there’s really not much to see at Vista Clara’s Coffee site, which is a little surprising considering that their coffee will give you superpowers. Sure, it lists the blends he has, but there is a startling lack of photos of the coffee, recent news about Vista Clara, and no mention of the supervillains he’s hoping to defeat with his cosmic ray coffee.

Heck, maybe Dave Stewart of Vista Clara Coffee can send his web designer up into space and bring him back down in hopes of getting some more for website content.

At any rate, I encourage you to visit ebay and bid this coffee that has been sent into space. I encourage you to drink grind it, drink it and then shun society as the magic of cosmic rays overtake your body. I encourage you to use your newfound superpowers for good and not evil. And I encourage you to remember who told you about this just in case you do decide to use your new coffee superpowers to take over the world.

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