Origin:
Torn straight from the headlines, this superhero spends his day delivering the mail and his nights delivery vigilante justice. Once a mild-mannered kid out of college, Richard Emelio Stamp III started delivering the mail and quickly went insane trying to keep up with the ever increasing price of stamps while trying explain to customers the intricacies of first class vs. priority mail.

Powers:
Really Big Gun
Instant Zip-Code Recognition

Catch Phrases:
“I’m going to STAMP you out!”
“Postage DUE!”
“How do you like THIS special delivery?!”

Origin:
C’mon. With a name like ‘Flame Retarded’ does he even need an origin?

Powers:
Fire Blasts
Able to Ride the Short Bus
Can Be Obnoxious and Get Away With It

Catch Phrases:
“My Mom says I’m special!”
“Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Hot! Hot! Hot!”

Origin:
Ace Hot-Shot Lawyer Rich McNulty graduated at the top of his class at Yale and immediately started his own law firm. He started it so immediately that he actually forgot to put on pants the first morning and he’s been winning big cases ever since. Not one to tempt fate, he’s continued to not wear pants and fight for truth, justice, and the right to wear tighty whities (see red arrow for more information).

Powers:
Kung Fu Punch
Ability to speak Legalease

Catch Phrases:
“Quid Pro Ipso Facto Calamari!”
“Egad! I have no pants!”

Origin:
Once in the majority now in the minority, southern Republican Senator Cornelius Kissabaybee spends his time screaming about the sins of the country while teaching the country new sins.

Powers:
Super Justification
Blessing
Amazing Persuasion Abilities with anyone with a Southern Accent

Catch Phrases:
“God told me to do this.”
“Damn Liberal Pinkos.”
“Jesus Would Vote Republican.”