The Omnipresent Elmo

Elmo is everywhere.

Ain’t Elmo’s Fire.

My toddler son has, in his entire 16 month lifespan, probably seen about 4 minutes of television broken down into 10 second clips here and there as we pass by the electronics department in our local Target.

We have purposely chosen to not expose our son to any sort of television shows or children’s videos or Wii games until he’s at least 2. We play with books and toys and the dog and whatever else is at hand, but we don’t sit and watch TV with him.

Despite all this our son has developed an overzealous obsession for that high-pitched voice red furry Grover knock-off Muppet named Elmo.

Elmo is a strange little creature. His bright red fur puts Little Orphan Annie’s hair to shame. His googly eyes dwarf Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mars bugged eyes in Total Recall. His high pitched voice is one that can only be replicated by continually taking shots of helium. And his speech pattern is reminiscent of what you might get out of a toddler Yoda with a learning disability.

Elmo is, quite literally, impossible to avoid in the course of a normal day. My son has a few Sesame Street themed toys and books and Elmo is featured in a few of them, but Elmo isn’t usually the main character. Still, I’ve noticed that Elmo is the only character to make a single appearance in every book and on every Sesame Street toy we have.

Bert and Ernie? Shunned and pushed to the background for two many questions about their sexuality. Big Bird? Everyone’s still a little sheepish around him ever since Snuffalufaguss appeared and made everyone feel like a fool for all those years. Oscar the Grouch? Too reminiscent of the dirty old man who sits in the rocking chair on his porch all day watching the kids get on and off the school bus.

But Elmo has some sort of magical appeal. He’s the baby equivalent of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan all rolled into one fuzzy puppet: you simply can’t turn away from the spectacle. My son can spot Elmo’s face on a sippy cup from 100 yards away and immediately start bouncing and chanting, “Elmo! Elmo! Elmo! Elmo! Elmo!” like it was a sacred word of power from an occult religious ceremony.

And this magical appeal means that Elmo is seen everywhere we go. A visit to the grocery store, book store, clothing outlet or even someone else’s home is not complete without an Elmo sighting. Elmo can be seen on everything. There are Elmo clothes, Elmo baby food, Elmo snacks, Elmo remote controls, Elmo televisions, Elmo CDs and Elmo diapers. There are probably Elmo cans of beer, Elmo lighters and Elmo condoms. Elmo’s eyes follow you where ever you go. Elmo is always watching. Elmo is everywhere!

Elmo! Elmo! Elmo! Elmo! Elmo!

[tags]Humor, Fatherhood, Elmo[/tags]