I have a confession to make… I am having an affair with another woman.
My new lover. Photos don’t do her justice.
Her name is Bravia. She is as bright as Einstein during his wild hair period, as sharp as a Hollywood surgeon’s scalpel and as thin as a super model on a hunger strike. And though she is from a prominent family in Japan and I am a simple dorky American white guy, we get along fabulously. I know how to push her buttons and I know how to turn her on.
I have to admit that I’m a happily married man and I wasn’t looking for any extracurricular activities on the side. It all started innocently enough. There I was with my wife, strolling through a local store when we happened to pass the electronics department. And there she was! Bravia! Sure, there were plenty of beauties all around me, but there was something undeniably more attractive about her than any of the others. My wife and I kept moving down the aisle away from the electronics on our way to use a coupon for some breakfast cereal and some new curtains for the bedroom window. I thought about Bravia all day, but kept silent for the long drive home.
If it had just been that one instance I would have probably forgotten about my eye-catching Bravia. But a few days later I caught a glimpse of her again, this time at a department store were my wife was looking for those darn curtains again and I was chasing my son through the clothing racks. I jumped up from behind a carousel of blouses and started to entertain my toddler son with the growl of a lion, but right in mid-roar I caught a glimpse of Bravia across the sales floor and the sound got stuck in my throat.
I herded my son towards her, amazed at her beauty and in awe at the halo of light that seemed to surround her. And then someone moved the Philips Ambilight TV out of the way and I noticed that it was really my own mind that was putting the glow around my beloved Bravia.
Sure, I suppose my life was missing some excitement in our marriage. My wife and I both work full time and we have a toddler in the house, so we don’t have time for each other much anymore. That’s how it happens, I guess.
That night I began searching for her on my computer. I visited websites, examined small fuzzy photos that didn’t do her justice and read up on her and all of her friends. And that’s how I fell in love, I suppose. The more I learned about her the more I wanted to know.
I started planning shopping trips around her. I drive across town to get milk at the local mall just so I could accidentally swing past stores where she might be hanging out. I started searching her out and I started to become slightly obsessed.
My wife found out, of course. It wasn’t a total surprise to her. She noticed my sideway glances and my strange disappearances whenever we visited retail establishments with decent electronics departments. One night after we’d each had a few drinks it all finally came out. She asked me if I was happy and if I wanted more excitement in my life. I hemmed and hawed but eventually I declared obsession for the young Japanese beauty. I don’t know if it was the booze or my ego or the deadly combination of both, but I started throwing accusations at her. I admitted chasing after the dear Bravia unreasonably but I declared that I had on occasion caught her doing the same.
She grew quiet and looked down. She shed a single tear. She finally looked up and admitted that she, too, was looking for something else. She was tired of spending nights squinting into the darkness, she was tired of the extra weight and bulk, she was tired of feeling as though every movie she watched was really nothing more than a 5 cent picture player at a 1920’s boardwalk arcade. From that night on we looked for Bravia together, scouting her out in various electronic stores and magazines, reading all we could about her.
It took us another few weeks, but we finally decided to invite her to spend some time with the two of us. We felt guilty, of course, inviting this creature of beauty and poise into our humble home. We had never really spent much time with other creatures like her, but something told us Bravia would be different than the others. We gave her a place to sit and we sat back to let her tell…no, show us her high definition stories of wonder.
On her first night she entertained us with a story about water buffalo. It was our own little ménage à trois. Just me, my wife and Bravia. My wife and I don’t have a pet water buffalo, we have no opinions about water buffalo and we have just about zero interest in learning about water buffalo. But we sat in awe as our sexy Bravia conjured up facts and images about water buffalo that were so real that we starting counting the hairs on the backs of those ugly beasts just because we could.
My wife and I have a stronger relationship than ever, now that we’ve invited this Japanese member of the Sony family into our home. We spend a little time each night, basking in the powerful glow of our imaginative friend. We still don’t dare look at her for very long and we still spend plenty of time away from the company of this export from a far away land, but the time we do spend with her is exquisite.
Lately I’ve been worried for her, though. I’m told our fair Bravia has a cousin who shares her own beauty… intensifies it, even. I’m told she has Blu eyes that send out rays of magnificent light. I have a feeling we’ll be inviting another stranger into our home soon…
[tags]sony bravia, lcd tv, high definition tv, love affair[/tags]
2 Responses to “A High Definition Love Affair With A Woman Named Bravia”
-
JD says:
This is hilarious
pls pls pls write more humor
i love it!
May 23rd, 2008 at 11:33 am -
Mark says:
HAHAHA i’ve never had so much enjoyment reading a blog like this! This is pretty damn hilarious… Damn…you’re good haha