So you’re tired of that crusty brown-stained white plastic Mr. Coffee Deluxe sitting on your kitchen counter doling out lukewarm cups of caffeinated dishwater each morning? Are you looking to upgrade your coffee maker to something more fitting of a man or woman in your position in life? Are you simply rich and stupid and like good coffee? Then why not gather up some of that spare change from under the couch cushions and go out and buy yourself an exorbitantly expensive coffee maker?
Here are a few to choose from…
Vroom, Vroom!
Lamborghini Coffee Maker – $1750 – Sure, you have the Lamborghini watch, the jacket, the coffee mug and the numerous posters with half naked women in European fashion swimsuits tacked up all over your apartment. They go well with your puffy black faux leather couches your halogen stand lamps and your framed Nagel posters. And even though you have plenty of refrigerator magnets, you somehow think your 12 square foot galley kitchen needs just a little more chrome to really impress the swarms of women (or mom and grandmom) when they visit. You need to blow your wad on the only coffeemaker that is known for making high-end Italian sports cars that are prominently featured in B-Movies from the 1980s. Featuring a gear-shift type handle, the Lamborghini logo (etched in shiny chromish steel…duh) and numerous other phallic pipes and tubes, this hand-built machine is perfect for the person who likes to make coffee while wearing driving gloves. Don’t blame me if the coffee ends up tasting like engine oil: it probably is.
Who cares if it makes good coffee? Having this sexy number on your counter almost assures you’ll get lucky with that cute Bohemian Starbucks chick.
Jura-Capresso Coffee Makers
Clover - $11,000 – The Clover Coffee Maker was invented by three Stanford graduates and it allows you to control just about every aspect of making a cup of coffee from water temperature, dose amount and even extraction time. Everything is controlled with a computer and saved in a database so when you finally get that perfect cup of coffee you can save your preferences and come back again and again until the hard drive crashes or there’s some software update that doesn’t work or your Internet connection goes down or hackers break into your coffee maker and starting using it as a porn server or… well, you get the idea. If you want to see one in action, go check out some of the Clover videos on YouTube. Clover’s website actually has a little “Find A Clover” page if you find yourself getting all hot and bothered by the videos. Clover has recently been assimilated by Starbucks, so expect them to screw it up.
I’m think I’m turning Japanese…
Siphon Bar – $20,000 – Sure, lots of professional coffee houses have Clover coffee makers. How about something a bit pricier and more original? How about something that requires talent to use? How about something… Japanese? Why not check out the Siphon Bar, a rather pricey magical machine that requires months of physical training and mountains of mental prowess just to operate? Fire this halogen powered baby up and the lights dim for four city blocks in every direction. While the Clover is all computerized mechanics, the siphon bar is pure Coffee Ninja training requiring a Buddha’s mastery of patience and skill complete with a little bamboo paddle. It could only be more Japanese if it turned into a giant robotic wombat and fired plasma bolts from its belly.
Roasting Plant Javabot – $1,000,000(?) – Maybe crazy Japanese coffee makers aren’t your cup of…coffee. Maybe instead you need a cup o’ joe that was made by a crazy American coffee maker. Then you’ll want to visit New York City’s Roasting Plant and see their unique Javabot. It’s a robotic system that actually wraps around the entire store (so you’re enjoying your coffee inside the coffee maker) and it manages the entire coffee process, from green coffee bean to roasting to grinding to pouring and all the important steps in between. Just like the internet, the entire system is based off tubes that run all over the place. No word on whether or not creator Mike Caswell will be employing Oompa Loompas in the future or letting any more school groups go on factory tours.
There you have it, a list of the world’s most expensive coffee makers!
Of course wouldn’t want to spend all this money and then dump that Folgers crap into one of these machines. Instead you’d want an expensive coffee that’s actually worthy of these machines. You could go to Amazon and order up a 10 pound bag of Jamaica Blue Mountain: Mavis Bank Estate Coffee
My cat making coffee for you.
Yes, the world’s most expensive coffee is commonly known as Kopi Luwak and its tremendous value comes from fact that all of these coffee beans used for this coffee have been eaten and pooped out by the Asian Palm Civet, a small furry animal that is kind of like a large housecat. The coffee generally sells for anywhere between about $140 – $250 per pound.
This is, of course, completely ridiculous. I would gladly sell the coffee bean poop of my own cat for a mere $80 per pound. His name is Bailey.
When ordering please let me know if you’d like it with or without hairballs.
[tags]expensive coffee, siphon bar, clover coffee maker, kopi luwak, Lamborghini, giant robot wombat[/tags]
6 Responses to “The World’s Most Expensive Coffee Makers”
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Paul says:
Hi Tom,
you knew i’d comment on this one didn’t you… I had a hard time justifying my espresso machine and it was a gift. Those machines are crazy, the Lamborghini is all the name, I know people who swear by the clover for coffee service, and I want to live in the javabot…
BTW i’ll trade you a pound of bailey blend for a pound of Beans Morning Roast.
http://flickr.com/photos/pzul/2361755614/May 15th, 2008 at 2:48 pm -
Tom Coffee says:
Ha, that’s great! I thought about trying to get a photo of a cat with coffee but didn’t think I could easily find one
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Paul says:
there’s a palm civet living in the roof (attic) of my house. it’s just being a pest. if you’ll come here and brew me a great cup of coffee (arabica would be nice, i’ll say no thanks to kopi luwak (which translates to “civet coffee”)) i’ll let you take away the civet. i’ll even supply you the required ladder. then you’ll have your very own kopi luwak factory.
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the best cup of coffee says:
sheesh man!! I’ve tried many a brewing method (and brewer) but those are nifty!! Do you think I could have the Lamborghini Coffee Maker installed in my first Lamborghini?? “expresso” anyone??
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