Dear Daycare Providers:
I am writing to express my concern over the seemingly disproportional amount of time my son is spending on art projects involving the excessive use of glitter. When we first enrolled our son at your daycare center (Sorry, you call it a “Primary Learning Center”) we were told there would numerous educational, social and physical activities for my son to partake in on a daily basis. We were not informed that they would, in some way, involve copious amounts of glitter.
My wife and I cheered with delight when our son first brought home a paper star covered in glitter with a loop of yarn run through it. It was a clever Christmas decoration and we had fun putting it on our Christmas tree. We were equally delighted when, a week later, he brought home a paper snowman who had a red glitter scarf and real sticks attached with about a pound and half of Elmer’s glue. But week after week we noticed each and every art project that came home had an enormous amount of glitter, regardless of the topic. Some memorable examples:
I don’t know what these are, but they have glitter so you can call them ‘art.’
In January we received a glitter encrusted “snow ball” with was nothing more than a white paper bag filled with scrap paper, taped into a ball shape and then clearly dunked in glue and silver glitter.
February brought us Valentine hearts drenched in red glitter. That was understandable and a bit cute. The use of the same red glitter on a paper George Washington’s lips was just weird and the glitter bombed cherry tree that followed two days later confirmed that you were just trying to use up the rest of the red glitter you had in the closet. I half expected a paper Lincoln to come home with a giant red glitter splat on the back of his head. Oh, and that Groundhog’s day project of a paper groundhog weighted down with gold and brown glitter? Atrocious and disturbing. Where on earth do you find brown glitter and why did you buy it by the pound?
March wasn’t much better. My son brought home a “wind catcher” which was nothing more than a weirdly shaped piece of paper with every color of glitter imaginable stuck to it (yes, even brown!) He then showed presented an “apple” which was nothing more than the snow ball project with red glitter instead of silver. I didn’t know apples grew in the spring, by the way. The last March project, a silver glitter encrusted squirrel with red glitter eyes, was just creepy and confusing. We had it hanging in on the refrigerator door but my son refused to go into the kitchen while it was there. We took it down, but the damage had been done: every time I pointed out a real squirrel in the yard to my toddler son he would grab his eyes and start screaming hysterically.
For April his class had a “construction” theme and he made a glitter caked bulldozer and dump truck which looked as though it was the vehicular equivalent of something that you might see in a Mad Max version of Priscillla, Queen of the Desert. I’m not one to criticize artistic license, but this was one fruity looking piece of heavy equipment. I’m shocked you didn’t make my son glue a feather boa on it and write his name in lipstick.
I think I’ve made my point. It isn’t that I don’t appreciate the value of art projects, but I have to seriously question the career opportunities that await someone who is an expert in applying glitter to things. Liberace is dead and probably not coming back, so he definitely doesn’t need any new jumpsuits. Elton John dresses like an old man now that he came out of the closet, so I don’t see any real job opportunities that don’t involve casino showgirls or lots of dollar bills. Let’s face it: glitter just isn’t all that fashionable, even amongst the …dare I say it?… Glitterati.
Perhaps the larger issue is not the frequency and downright silly places that my son is using glitter, but rather the sheer abundant quantity.
All these glitter-holding projects do not actually hold their glitter for very long. The seats in my car, the furniture in our home, the hair on our dog, the fur on our cats and even the grass in my lawn all sparkle with glitter flecks as the sunlight hits them. This wouldn’t be so bad if the grass glitter was all green, but that’s just being silly. On one particularly bright afternoon my neighbor across the street asked if I had installed a mirrored disco ball in our living room. I had to explain that it was simply the glitter that had stuck to our ceiling fan. I went on a business trip last month and I had enough glitter stuck to the bottom of my shoes to set off the airport metal detector. And, yes, I’ve changed diapers that glinted in the light a Winnie The Pooh lamp.
I implore you… nay, beg you, to find some other art projects that don’t involve sticking thousands of pieces of shiny foil or plastic or whatever the hell glitter is to things that are not shiny. Maybe you could give his class some crayons to eat or some Play Doh to stick in his hair or some permanent markers to use on the walls. I’m not picky. I appreciate your time and thank you for your attention to this matter.
A Concerned Parent,
[tags]glitter, humor, parenting, art projects, scary squirrel[/tags]
3 Responses to “An Open Letter to My Son’s Daycare: Enough With the Damn Glitter Already”
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topic for toddler class says:
[...] my concern over the seemingly disproportional amount of time my son is spending on art projectshttp://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/05/28/an-open-letter-to-my-sons-daycare-enough-with-the-damn-glit…’08 H.S. grads take their next steps Corpus Christi Caller-TimesAbout 20,000 people packed the [...]
June 7th, 2008 at 1:06 pm -
Molly Cox says:
Very funny signature…and article. Thanks!
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efvg says:
Dry humor…………interesting
