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Experiencing the joys of screwing up a kid of my own.
Our nine month wait is almost over. In just a few more days my wife and I, along with our son, will be meeting the new addition to our family. We don’t know if our baby will be a nervous one or a calm one, if our baby will enjoy being bounced on a...
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My son gets a lot of things from me: his charming personality, his dashing good looks and his razor sharp intellect. Sure, he’s not yet four, but he can count up to 30 without leaving out more than one or two numbers and he has developed some stunning Candy Land strategies. You Bastard! Among...
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Dear Daycare Providers: I am writing to express my concern over the seemingly disproportional amount of time my son is spending on art projects involving the excessive use of glitter. When we first enrolled our son at your daycare center (Sorry, you call it a “Primary Learning Center”) we were told there would numerous...
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Having a baby pretty much assures that you home environment will quickly be cluttered with a vast array of baby toys that rivals even the largest Toys Backwards R Us in the world. And it is because I now live in a constant sleep-deprived world of brightly colored hard plastic and soft stuffed animals...
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We’re only a couple months from the arrival of our new baby and my wife and I are at odds about a baby nursery theme. I don’t think we need one. My wife thinks otherwise. I firmly believe an evil Council of Interior Designers invented the whole room “theme” trend just to trump up...
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Our baby is now around the ten-week mark and today my wife told me, “Our baby is now the size of a kumquat!” To which I immediately responded: “I didn’t know we’d kumquat so far…” (Thank you, Kip Addotta.) After she hits me with the book she’s reading she goes on to tell me...
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Today I attended my wife’s first baby-related doctor’s appointment and it was quite an experience for me, my wife, and probably the baby, too. I’m a guy. My experience with OB/GYN (obstetrician/gynecologist) doctors is pretty much limited to Monty Python sketches, Simpson’s references and the occasional late night Chevy Chase movie. I’m pleased to...
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This morning my wife and I are going to see our baby for the very first time… I think. You see, we have our first of many appointments with the baby doctor and neither of us really knows what to expect from the exam or the ultrasound process. Sure, we’ve been reading all the...
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My wife and I are still trying to wrap our heads around this whole idea of having a baby, though we have wildly different thoughts on the subject. I’m worried about whether or not we’ll be able to handle the financial and moral responsibilities of bringing a child into the world. My wife is...
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