Office Life

There you are, in a one-on-one meeting with your mentally challenged Liberal Arts major of a boss and he’s droning on and on about the importance of “covering all points of the compass out the box with the low hanging fruit” and “win-win solutions that push the envelope paradigm” when he suddenly start asking about what “your schedule looks like” in the middle of a work week two months from now.

Who …

I’d like to request a few days off from work, but my company’s vacation request process has more wasted effort than a Peter Jackson film.

I’m sure our method of asking for days off began as a simple, straightforward process but over the years the layers of added beauracracy have mutated it like nuclear experiments in the Sea of Japan and turned it into some sort of green monster that periodically rises from the depths and goes for a leisurely stroll through Tokyo.

Let’s say I want to take off next Friday. Here’s how this system works:

1. I walk down to my …

This is an actual official memo from our Human Resources Department regarding one of our buildings.

Please do not go thru the back inventory area unless you have business there.

Okay, that’s actually not bad. “Thru” is a little informal for a company-wide memo, but I’m not going to take off points for that. So far the memo is short, simple, and to the point. Unfortunately, that’s the first and last line that can be described that way.

Do not use the back door for in and out unless you are loading or re-loading business equipment.

Umm…use the back door for in …