Words, Words, Words

So maybe you’ve been hearing about this new “Grain Berry” food additive and wondering, “What the heck is a grain berry?”

The relatively new term “Grain Berry” refers to a new brand of cereals, mixes and crackers being put out by a company called Silver Palate Kitchens, Inc. On 10/16/2008 Silver Palate Kitchens, Inc. filed to trademark the term “GRAIN BERRY” as a food staple that is generally in the same category as coffee, sugar, flour, breads, salt and other spices. The trademark was registered on 9/22/2009 and It is essentially a type of natural bran that is said …

I suspect they are building snowmen in Hell at the moment because I had a really bad Apple Store experience.

You see, I decided to get an iPhone.

I’m not a gadget kind of guy. I have a cell phone that gives me 1000 minutes of talk time every year for $100. I ended last year with 993 minutes left. But I’ve always had this fantasy of going to a yard sale, seeing something interesting and then being able to whip out my phone right there and check eBay for the value. I imagine …

When I was growing up I didn’t want to be a fireman, policeman or some shmuck that worked in an office. I wanted to be a humor columnist.

Specifically, I wanted to be Dave Barry, or at least Dave Barry with the weekly Parade magazine column and without the awful haircut. I loved the idea of being given truckloads of cash to write a simple 1,000 word column every week. I bought all his books, read all his weekly columns and, when I got older, scoured microfilm and Gopher (ha! remember Gopher?!?) for news articles …