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	<title>Spilling Coffee &#187; Words</title>
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	<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com</link>
	<description>by Tom Coffee: Daddy Blogger.  Humorist.</description>
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		<title>Thoughts About Birthdays On My 39th</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2011/04/14/thoughts-about-birthdays-on-my-39th/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2011/04/14/thoughts-about-birthdays-on-my-39th/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 14 Apr 2011 16:36:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/?p=374</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Today is a Thursday and today I am 39 years old. I&#8217;ve never been one to put a lot of importance or significance on birthdays. I&#8217;m a husband, a daddy, a working stiff and a regular guy who has a regular job which means that when my birthday falls on a weekday I still have to go to change the cat litter, go to work and pick up the kids from daycare. That&#8217;s okay with me, because I generally enjoy doing all that, especially the cat litter. A birthday present to myself. Adult birthdays are not nearly the same affairs as kid birthdays. When you&#8217;re a kid you get to eat lots of cake and ice cream, run around like a maniac on a wild sugar high and basically get away with acting like the ego-driven dictator of a small country that has a ton of natural resources. Everything is about you, you, you. When you&#8217;re an adult you really don&#8217;t need an excuse to drink too much, eat too much, or stage a revolution and then enslave your people, clean out the government&#8217;s coffers and set yourself up as a demigod until the next revolution comes along. Being a [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2011/04/14/thoughts-about-birthdays-on-my-39th/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<title>Two Great Singer Songwriters from Lancaster, PA</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2011/03/01/two-great-singer-songwriters-from-lancaster-pa/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2011/03/01/two-great-singer-songwriters-from-lancaster-pa/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 01 Mar 2011 10:52:37 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/?p=304</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[As the great Obi Wan Kenobi once said, &#8220;Lancaster, Pennsylvania. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy and Amish people and underemployed college graduates drinking cheap beer, except maybe in Portland, Oregon. But they don&#8217;t have the Amish. We must be cautious.&#8221; I have a certain soft spot in my liver for Lancaster, PA partly because I spent the majority of my 20&#8242;s there being a shiftless and underemployed college graduate who drank a lot of cheap beer, but also because the place tends to have a pretty happening cultural, music and bar scene, despite the fact that very few Amish family have electric amps and guitars in their homes. And though I&#8217;ve long left Pennsylvania Dutch behind me and moved to the much more chemically induced greener fields of New Jersey, I still find myself gravitating back towards musicians whose art was at least partly influenced by the vast quantities of beer, fastnachts and independent bookstores that are now independent coffee houses. Here are two of my favorite musicians &#8220;from&#8221; Lancaster, PA, though neither is Amish as far as I know: The Josh Joplin Group Josh Joplin &#8211; Though he lives in New York [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2011/03/01/two-great-singer-songwriters-from-lancaster-pa/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>What the Heck is Grain Berry?</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2010/08/13/what-is-grain-berry/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2010/08/13/what-is-grain-berry/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 13 Aug 2010 10:24:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/?p=262</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So maybe you&#8217;ve been hearing about this new &#8220;Grain Berry&#8221; food additive and wondering, &#8220;What the heck is a grain berry?&#8221; The relatively new term &#8220;Grain Berry&#8221; refers to a new brand of cereals, mixes and crackers being put out by a company called Silver Palate Kitchens, Inc. On 10/16/2008 Silver Palate Kitchens, Inc. filed to trademark the term &#8220;GRAIN BERRY&#8221; as a food staple that is generally in the same category as coffee, sugar, flour, breads, salt and other spices. The trademark was registered on 9/22/2009 and It is essentially a type of natural bran that is said to contain more dietary fiber and antioxidants than most other berries or grains. The health claims around grain berry suggest that it&#8217;s &#8220;healthier&#8221; than all those other antioxidant diet fads such as acai berry anything and pomegranate juice. To be fair, Silver Palate Kitchens, Inc. actually hasn&#8217;t made any such health claims, but the general buzz around &#8220;grain berry&#8221; has repeatedly pointed out the antioxidant levels. The advertising for Grain Berry foods read &#8220;Now-Grain with the Antioxidant Power of Berries!&#8221; which is meant to lead you into thinking that this is some sort of miracle food which combines the &#8220;good&#8221; parts [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2010/08/13/what-is-grain-berry/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>On Becoming A Humor Columnist</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2009/07/10/on-becoming-a-humor-columnist/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2009/07/10/on-becoming-a-humor-columnist/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:46:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2009/07/10/on-becoming-a-humor-columnist/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When I was growing up I didn&#8217;t want to be a fireman, policeman or some shmuck that worked in an office. I wanted to be a humor columnist. Specifically, I wanted to be Dave Barry, or at least Dave Barry with the weekly Parade magazine column and without the awful haircut. I loved the idea of being given truckloads of cash to write a simple 1,000 word column every week. I bought all his books, read all his weekly columns and, when I got older, scoured microfilm and Gopher (ha! remember Gopher?!?) for news articles and interviews with him. His life was perfect: he seemed to spend 38 hours a week goofing off and then spent two hours every week writing about it.]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2009/07/10/on-becoming-a-humor-columnist/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		</item>
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		<title>Review of Bobby&#8217;s Burger Palace (BBP) in Eatontown NJ</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/12/30/review-of-bobbys-burger-palace-bbp-in-eatontown-nj/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/12/30/review-of-bobbys-burger-palace-bbp-in-eatontown-nj/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:23:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/12/30/review-of-bobbys-burger-palace-bbp-in-eatontown-nj/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[My wife and I took a few days off this week and we decided to give the new Bobby Flay Burger Palace in Eatontown, NJ a quick try because my wife and I both think Bobby Flay comes across as a jerk on TV but his food is usually pretty darn good. We drove down to Monmouth Mall and got to Bobby&#8217;s Burger Palace around 2pm on a weekday. We had no idea what to expect so we showed up with empty stomachs and high expectations based on our previous experiences at Bobby Flay&#8217;s Mesa Grill, which offers some phenomenal and unique dishes. We were a little curious to see if Bobby&#8217;s Burgers would be the same. The line to get into the place was out the door even on a chilly afternoon and at first we figured we&#8217;d be standing for a while, but once we got inside the doorway we learned the first little secret to Bobby&#8217;s Burger Palace: it&#8217;s small. Really small. Though it looks large from the outside this &#8220;burger palace&#8221; really was more like a &#8220;burger joint.&#8221; I know Bobby Flay is short, but he&#8217;d have to stand about 12 inches off the ground to [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/12/30/review-of-bobbys-burger-palace-bbp-in-eatontown-nj/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>14</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>A Superhero Short Story</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/04/25/a-superhero-short-story/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/04/25/a-superhero-short-story/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:25:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/04/25/a-superhero-short-story/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Part of the advantage to having a blog which isn&#8217;t very popular is being able to &#8220;publish&#8221; just about anything I want to without actually worrying about how it will be &#8220;received&#8221; by my readers. I don&#8217;t really have any readers, and I certainly don&#8217;t expect any other bloggers to read this. Below is a short piece of superhero fiction which I wrote back in 1995 back when I was fresh out of college and ready to dazzle the world with my incredible writing skills. As a recent graduate with a degree in English I was pretty convinced the presidents of most of the major publishing companies were driving around in dump trucks filled with money all secretly hoping to catch me and offer me a million dollar book publishing deal before the other guys could. Sadly, those dump trucks never found me. At the time I was writing letters back and forth to a friend from college named Rich Schmidt and we decided to jump start our writing careers by issuing challenges back and forth via mail. Remember letters? Remember mail? It&#8217;s called &#8220;snail mail&#8221; now and it is only used for bills and as something to put in [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/04/25/a-superhero-short-story/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Feed The Pig &#8211; Saving Money While Accountants Trip on LSD</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/04/04/feed-the-pig-saving-money-while-accountants-trip-on-lsd/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/04/04/feed-the-pig-saving-money-while-accountants-trip-on-lsd/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Apr 2008 10:54:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/04/04/feed-the-pig-saving-money-while-accountants-trip-on-lsd/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Today I hope to answer the burning question: Do Americans really need an ad campaign featuring a giant living piggy bank to help them save up a few extra pennies? Benjamin Bankes: Part Pig, Part Pimp, All Pink. The American Institute of Certified Professional Accountants (AICPA) apparently thinks they do. They&#8217;ve teamed up with The Advertising Council (of course!) to develop an entire television and web video ad campaign called FeedThePig.org. The ads feature a human-sized anthropomorphic pig named Benjamin Bankes (played by likable actor Austin Basis) who goes around convincing people to &#8220;feed the pig&#8221; by spending wisely and giving him some of their cash. So, yes, most of the commercials resemble a surreal scene where people get mugged by giant pigs and yes, it&#8217;s all a little confusing. See, the phrase &#8220;Feed The Pig&#8221; is referring to the act of putting money into a piggy bank. So when you put away some money you&#8217;re feeding the piggy bank some cash and, in the process, saving a few dollars. The &#8220;feeding&#8221; of the pig is never really shown well. In on commercial coins drop from the sky and automagically sink into his head, in another commercial two women shove [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2008/04/04/feed-the-pig-saving-money-while-accountants-trip-on-lsd/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>My Drug of Choice: Pseudoephedrine</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2007/12/29/my-drug-of-choice-pseudoephedrine/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2007/12/29/my-drug-of-choice-pseudoephedrine/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 29 Dec 2007 13:23:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2007/12/29/my-drug-of-choice-pseudoephedrine/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Claritan D&#8230; it&#8217;ll make you feel good. &#8220;Hey, Man&#8230; You, with the stuffy nose and red eyes&#8230; you wanna get high? I&#8217;ve got it all right here: Maximum Strength Sudafed, Tylenol Cold &#038; Sinus, Actifed, Benedryl in ten different flavors, Aleve-D, you name it! Don&#8217;t worry, this is all real, from behind the counter and 100% pure. What&#8217;s that? Ohhh&#8230; you&#8217;re serious. You&#8217;re hardcore. Yeah, I got what you&#8217;re looking for&#8230; It&#8217;ll cost you&#8230; Sweet! Here ya go, man&#8230; Claritan-D!&#8221; More than a few people have pointedly sent me messages asking if I was dead, had lost both my hands in thresher or &#8220;got injured in some kind of horrible smelting accident&#8221;. I&#8217;ll have you know that I am a Class 3 Certified Smelting Instructor with a Licensed Specialization in Smelting Safety. The truth of the matter is that I, like a lot of people, have been cursing my freely elected democratic government and plotting its overthrow due to its obvious hatred of all those United State citizens who are prone to allergies, colds, the flu or any other illness that causes one to produce snot (scientific term, from the Latin: &#8220;boogers&#8220;). In case you haven&#8217;t been living on planet [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2007/12/29/my-drug-of-choice-pseudoephedrine/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>5</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>BzzAgent is Making Me Fat</title>
		<link>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2006/08/30/bzzagent-is-making-me-fat/</link>
		<comments>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2006/08/30/bzzagent-is-making-me-fat/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Aug 2006 11:46:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Coffee</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Words]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2006/08/30/bzzagent-is-making-me-fat/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A few months ago my wife signed up with an online marketing program called BzzAgent. BzzAgent is a &#8220;viral&#8221; marketing company. The idea here is they send free samples to a bunch of members and those members are told to go out and share the samples with all their friends, creating a positive &#8220;buzz&#8221; about a product. Being the caring and loving husband that I am I totally ignored my wife as she told me about this. Nectar of the gods&#8230;in bar form! I paid more attention, however, two weeks later when a package showed up in the mail. She opened it to find a box filled with free candy bars. Specifically, they were the new Take5 candy bar from Hershey. The Take5 Bar is a pleasing and original conglomeration of pretzels, caramel, peanuts, peanut butter, and milk chocolate. I haven&#8217;t checked, but I think each small candy bar has approximately 12 bazillion calories. I tried one. It was damn fine. In fact, I went ahead and joined BzzAgent that very day and, sure enough, two weeks later we had a second box of free candy bars arrive at our doorstep. Here I am, a fat guy, with a two [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.spillingcoffee.com/2006/08/30/bzzagent-is-making-me-fat/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
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